Doing It
by if.the.plane.goes.down
Summary: Youth is wasted on the Young. --Rated M for suggestive themes--


Doing It

**I was a quick, wet boy diving too deep for coins**

**All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys**

**Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long, baby hair**

**Stole me a dog-eared map, and called for you everywhere**

**Have I found you?**

All three of us start down towards the river holding hands. No, you have to understand. Rin and Hatake are holding hands. And I'm holding Rin's hand too on the other side. But I'm not holding _his _hand. Because when I asked for that snot nosed idiot's hand, he curled his lip and called me a word I didn't know. Something like a _maggot._ But he's a snot nosed idiot know it all and whatever other insults I can think of, anyway. And I can think of some pretty good ones, mind you. Just not right now.

The ice storm came down, and none of the grown-ups believed it was gonna happen. In fact it took them completely by surprise. You wanna know how I know? Well, because my mother was surprised. And I know this because when I woke up this morning she already had her coffee cup on the coffee table, but there wasn't coffee in it. Because whatever was in there didn't smell like coffee. And she was going on and on, yeah like mothers do about the snow, using adjectives I didn't know could apply to snow.

Like for example I didn't know that snow could be related to a dog of _any_ gender. Especially not the son of one. But I don't know. My mom says there's plenty of stuff I don't know. And also plenty of things I shouldn't say, like those fancy adjectives she uses. Don't tell anybody, but sometimes when I'm all alone and bored outta my skull I say them anyway. Just to taste them. Flavorful, _indeed_.

My mother told me to "run along and play" while she figured out "something to do about this freaking snow." Well, I wanted to point out that there isn't necessarily anything to _do_ about snow. Unless you're a weather witch or any of those crazy Inuzuka, doing snow dances under the sky, and shaking maracas at the moon. But my mother always warned me not to look those people in the eye. Ever.

So, I knew what she was really saying was 'get lost if you know what's good for you. This snow is making me grumpy enough to thwack you." Only it was in adult speak, so endless jibber jabber. Being an expert such as I am on this, I know that adult's brains have plenty of malfunctions. And the one of them that never fails to occur is that they can never just say what they want to say.

They either get it out in weird conflicting, riddles,. Or they say it too late after the person they desperately want to say it to is already gone. Or if they're my mom they say it to Me, because I am a kid and _greatly_ want to hear who you have always wanted to tell off, but hold your peace about it and yes, I totally agree with whatever you're saying, and no I don't mind listening. I'm very, very, _very, verryyy_ interested in what you have to say, mother. Yeah.

So, I was on my own and had to figure out what to do. I called up Rin and Kakashi. That was easy because we had tomato plants last spring in the yard. The same spring that those stupid blue jays were everywhere. The same spring that Kakashi spilled his shell collection and I stepped on it, all of it. Every single piece of it, _accidentally_. But I don't want to talk about that, because why can't he just get over it? And who the heck collects sea-shells anyway? Sea-shells. Seriously.

So my mother canned those tomatoes, and we spent weeks with them. Eating them or just looking at them because they were so big and red and it was hard to imagine eating something so _red_. I thought it'd be like putting a little fireball in your mouth. That it would burn all the way down, but they were cold and sweet. And afterwards when they were all gone, we made the ingenious plan to string the cans between our three houses.

Well, Kakashi made the plan, but I did all the stringing…..he's a jack off anyway.

So, I called Rin who wanted to come out in the snow. Because she always wants to do everything. Everythinggg, mind you. I think Rin would _be _the snow if she could do that without it being extremely weird. She would _be _it.

So, then I called Kakashi, but he was being a wet blanket. He wanted to stay home. Probably in his stupid robe and bunny slippers, with a chunk of Vicks on his stupid chest, drinking his stupid cocoa and reading his stupid books. "No, I don't want to go out and play. I've got much better things to do, but thank you for the consideration kind sir." No, I'm not even kidding you. He said it, just like that. He didn't want to come. But that was before I found the Book.

And this is the holy freaking grail of books. Its my father's. And he just left it out on the table or somewhere where any book eating monster could come by and chomp it up. And don't give me that look, these things happen. I hear the Hyuga clan are so stinking smart because they do this weird things to their kids. They just open up their heads and shove the books they want them to read right in. Like taking the lid off a pot, man. I'm not even kidding you.

So, anyway I thought it was a dumb old book about physics or math or books or something. Something dumb old Hatake would wanna read. But then I started flipping through it. And no this was a perfectly good book. This was golden. The holy. Freaking. Grail. So I knew I had to try it.

Good thing there's three of us. Because two people have to do it. And one person has to watch. I'm pretty sure that's the way it goes. Or else how will the two people know they're doing it right? I didn't think those two suck-ups would wanna do it. Because really even though Rin likes to do everything pretty much, she's pretty much a goody two shoes. And you never know with Hatake.

But here we are now on the riverbank, and I have the book in my hand. And Rin and Hatake are looking at me waiting for what's next. It's cold as fudge out here. Well, okay not fudge, because I mean fudge is not really cold. But I think my eyelashes are freezing together. Snow, snow, snow.

Rin keeps rubbing her hands together, looking around nervously. Figures. I knew she'd be a chicken. I knew it.

"Well?" says Hatake, frowning.

I open the book and read it some.

"Okay, first you gotta take off all of your clothes." I say.

"How often were you dropped on your head as a baby?" asks Hatake, because he thinks he's so freaking cool. And obviously he means the weather. But I'm aware of that you see. I _am_ the brains here.

"No, that's what it says." I say, waving the book around in his face.

"I don't think that's whaat it says at all. I think you're just making it up."

"Nuh-uh, that's what it says. Adults do it all the time."

"No they don't…..wait, how did your mother tell you, _you_ got here?"

Even _I _know how ridiculous _that_ story sounds.

"I don't think we even have storks in Konoha, Kakashi." says Rin quietly.

"Shut-up."

Then we stand around a bit.

"Let's just get this over with." Rin mumbles. She keeps tugging on her sleeves, pulling them over her hands, so she must be nervous. Because she doesn't start tugging on stuff until she's nervous. Like that time at Academy, when we had to work by candlelight because the power cut out. And Sensei called on Rin, but she didn't know the answer. So, she sort of started tugging on the candlestick. And it sort of fell over. And after that everyone started calling Sensei fire crotch for like a week. Only Sensei didn't think it was so funny. And they don't think it was his wife's fault that they never did get pregnant. But that's boring grown-up stuff.

Rin starts taking off her clothes. I mean she's actually doing it. I can't miss this. I know one kid in Academy who saw a girl takeoff her clothes before, because he has a sister and all. And man he said it's nasty. He said girls were beamed down from another planet and they've got parts us men have never even heard of. And secondly he said and I quote this: Their bodies are swarming with cooties.

Now, I don't want any part of that. Only, I figure if I see I'll at least have something to tell. One of those cool , no _epic,_survivor stories. Like I got _this_ close to a shark and I survived. Only, it'll be more like I got _this_ close to a girl and….well you get it.

Kakashi is taking off his clothes too. He's glaring at me taking his sweet time going button by button, like we've got all frozen day out here at this dumb river. Like sooner or later nobody's gonna walk by and see us. "Turn around." he growls.

"No, I've got to see this." He cuffs me on the ear. Well, he tries to, only I dodge because I'm a master at that kind of thing. And I don't want him to have a hernia and rupture his anus so I turn my back until they're n…nak….you know.

Hatake is shivering. Like crazy, man. Rin has her arms crossed over herself so I can't see she's an alien and send her back up to the mothership. Because I'm pretty sure they're out looking for her or calling for her or whatever. Because you know if I was a mother and I lost a baby I'd want it. Losing a baby would be like losing one of my comics…only not so bad because I don't know what I would do without those.

"N-n-now w-w-what?" asks Rin, rubbing her hands together.

Oh, yeah, right. Now. I look at the Book again. "Now…Uhhh…ummmm you both have to lay down and Kakashi gets on top."

They exchange glances.

"Don't look me in the eyes, Kakashi."

"Don't talk to me, Rin."

Rin gets down and Kakashi gets down. The snow falls and the wind whips through the trees and rustles the pages of the Book. My nose is starting to go numb.

"Do we move?" snaps Kakashi.

"I don't think we..'re…supposed to move…" says Rin.

"Well," I ask, since I am the one in charge. "How do you feel?"

"Cold." growls Kakashi.

"Squished." wheezes Rin.

"Yeah, yeah." I say waving all of that away. "But do you feel…. You know."

"No." they both say.

Rats. "May'be we should give it a few more minutes. Something has to happen."

The snow continues to fall. The wind continues to whistle. My nose man, I'm not even sure that it's still on my face.

"Nothingggg." says Hatake, all whine-y as usual.

I give up. "Well, that solves that. Adults are officially the dumbest people I know. " I say, and I plop down in disgust in the snow. Flipping through the Book, but the letters don't change. Stupid book. Stupid adults.

"Congratulations, Uchiha. You just wasted precious seconds of my life that I can never get back." that's Hatake still going on. Nag, nag, nag like a house wife. He gets up and pulls Rin up by her hand.

"Thank you, Kakashi." says Rin, brushing snow off her legs.

"Well, let's try something else." I suggest.

"No!" says Rin. She starts looking around like there are assassins out there in the trees just waiting on us to try something else. "we already….did it. What if someone comes?"

She has a point, but this is my show and I want to try something _else_, you know since doing it didn't really go as planned. So when I stand up, I fake like I'm ready to go. And when Kakashi and Rin walk up I grab their heads and bang them together.

There's a lot of yelling and crying and rubbing swelling foreheads after that. But in all fairness said act of head banging was not done in violence…._intentionally_. See, I've seen people, adults mind you attack each other's faces like nobody's business. I mean they really just go for it! They must be either really angry or really hungry to attack like that. But without warning just, like rabid beasts they pounce on each other. I know this is probably hard to believe for you but trust me, I have seen my mother and father do this on several occasions. So I figured the something else would be maybe trying to get Rin and Hatake to eat each other's faces or whatever. But wrong again.

When they're finally done moaning and complaining we really do start walking again. And the Book is useless, so I throw it over my shoulder. It's just stupid adult stuff and I don't want my dad getting any stupider by reading it. So the snow is out, but there's a little less magic in the world.

Because doing it was not really all that great. It's like this: Like the first snowfall. When the snow is so thick and white and its everywhere it's just one of those things. It's magical. But then the heat risesa dn the snow starts to melt, and you realize it's just the same old grass underneath. It's like that.

Kakashi and Rin are holding hands behind me for all their huffing and puffing. They think that I don't see it, so I pretend like I don't. Somebody deserves _something._

**Anddddd there we are. I really had fun doing something from Obito's point of view. He was very Holden Caufield-ish in my mind ;). That's all I have to say. I'm updating this at a late hour so cut me some slack. My brain is virtually malfunctioninggggg…anyway hope you enjoyed ****J**


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